"Saved by the Bell"--Lost Episode #215

Oddly enough, it seems that some distant relative of mine was an uncredited producer on "Saved by the Bell" for the show's entire history, including "The College Years" and "Wedding in Las Vegas." You might note the past tense when introducing the relative: he is now deceased. Lucky me though: in his will he left me several lost episodes. His lawyer explained that these lost episodes had been kept under extremely tight-wraps by my relative and were the main (and only) reason he went uncredited throughout his tenure with the series.

I thought it selfish of me to keep this a secret, especially when the lawyer suggested I do just that: keep the episodes a secret. What follows is a brief summary of lost episode #215. (I should also note that 90% of the lost episodes are from the Bayside High School years and therefore the most familiar years of the show.)

Starts Off With: Zack and Screech are in Zack's room plotting out ways to manipulate Kelly into asking Zack to the Sadie Hawkins-themed dance. Zack puts forward several options, all of which include somehow hoodwinking Slater into making an ass of himself publicly so Kelly can't even imagine asking him to the dance because of Slater now being seen as a hapless buffoon because of the public humiliation. It is revealed that this task is more difficult than the usual manipulate-Kelly's-emotions-by-humiliating-Slater situation because Slater's popularity (which ebbs and flows in relation to Zack's own popularity ) is at its zenith, seeing as it's wrestling season and a huge showdown with Valley is just around the corner. Slater must match-up against the hated Neidick, who, as it turns out, in a subplot, is also scheming to get Kelly to ask him to the dance as well. Neidick figures that if he beats Slater and gets Kelly to ask him to the dance, he'll become the most popular boy at both Valley and Bayside.

Zack and Screech finally decide to rig-up the sink in the boy's bathroom so when Slater washes his hands the water will spray out and wet the front of his pants, making it look like he pissed himself, which in turn will show Kelly that Slater is nothing more than an incontinent meathead who is not to be trusted at a public venue, especially a dance. (Kelly Kapowski being the kind of girl who values a urine-free old-fashioned kind of time at dances.)

Meanwhile, it is revealed that Jessie has begun a cycle of steroids so that, if need be, she can physically force Slater to the dance with her and also so that just in case Slater loses his match to Neidick, Jessie can avenge the loss by kicking the hell out of Neidick at The Max, and thus causing him serious public ridicule. Jessie is shown in a sort of montage doing the following: injecting the 'roids just above her left buttock; doing push-ups and sit-ups at a nearly maniacal rate; pinning up pictures of Salter and Neidick as inspiration; bench-pressing; punching a heavy-bag; getting a very intense and irritated look in her eyes; more maniacal push-ups and sit-ups.

Lisa Turtle is shopping for her dress. She, as usual, will be forced to spend the dance with Screech as her date because that is "Saved by the Bell"'s cruel irony.

Mr. Belding spends the early portion of the show encouraging Slater at wrestling practice to "Beat Valley!" really bad because he, Mr. Belding, needs to win his annual bet with Valley's principal. (In a rather anomalous subplot that really goes nowhere, we see that Richard Belding is slowly beginning to unravel emotionally because it's really Zack who runs Bayside and Belding just can't seem to understand or accept this fact.)

In the Middle: By drawing on Screech's intimate knowledge of plumbing and water currents, he and Zack successfully rig-up the faucet to spray Slater in the groin area. Rather ingeniously, Screech has designed a remote electrical apparatus to trigger the water-spraying on Slater at just the right moment. He'll know just the right moment because Zack has arranged it so that he, Zack, will be in the lavatory at the same time as Slater and will cough very loudly when Slater is at the sink.

When the moment arrives, the entire gang is at their lockers just hanging around and making fun of Belding's hair. Slater announces he's got to go to the bathroom. Zack looks at Screech, who nearly blows the whole thing by over-zealously winking and giving a thumbs-up to Zack, and then follows Slater.

Jessie is flexing her forearm muscles and trying to explain to Lisa the possible reasons for all of the new acne on her, Jessie's, face. Lisa is suggesting several routes of treatment. Lisa prefers a chemical peel, though it's out of Jessie's price-range. Kelly is looking very pretty and innocent and also sexy and alluring, all at the same time. She watches heart-torn as Zack and Slater walk-away. Kelly is visibly fretting about who to ask to the dance. When Kelly voices this conundrum, Jessie's eyes take on the same intense and irritated look as before. The decision is: if Slater beats Neidick, she'll ask Slater. If not, then Zack gets the nod.

Jessie runs away screaming towards the weight room where we see another montage of training and steroid-induced rage that is even more intense and irritated than before.

Lisa and Kelly just shrug their shoulders, assuming Jessie's breakdown was because of the acne breakout just before the dance. Screech is seen listening intently for Zack's cough, which arrives. The apparatus is activated and moments later, Slater emerges from the restroom apparently having pissed himself. Kelly is nearly aghast with befuddlement and Lisa stares blankly, the event not really registering.

Zack chimes in about Slater probably being afraid of Neidick and the match with Valley. Screech almost blows the whole thing by muttering something to Zack about it probably not being Slater's fear of Neidick & co. but rather because of the way the sink was rigged-up to spout water on Slater's groin area so as to appear that he peed himself. No one pays any attention to him because he's Screech and mumbling in his Screech-like voice.

Slater says something along the lines of "shut-up preppie." Kelly, fearing a similar scene at the Sade-Hawkins themed dance, immediately asks Zack to the dance. Zack looks at the camera and shrugs his shoulders in the blithely cool way. Zack and Kelly depart together. Lisa is telling Slater about how he could, if wanted to and with her help, turn the wet-spot into a fashion statement. Screech is still holding the apparatus and no one is paying any attention to him.

Cut to: Belding in his office throwing darts at a picture of Zack.

At The End: Jessie is in what is presumably the girl's locker room at Bayside looking intense and irritated. She is applying Bayside school-colored (silver and maroon) paint to her face as if preparing for some tribal warfare. Her acne now turning cystic and her rage growing.

Slater is squared-up with Neidick on the mat. Belding is pensive. The Valley principal is glaring at Belding from across the gymnasium, which is about the size of a large kitchen and completely unrealistic looking. Zack and Kelly are each extremely good-looking as they hold hands and watch Slater grapple with Neidick. Zack jokes that at least Slater's wrestling uniform is dry.

Slater pins Neidick. As this happens Jessie comes tear-asking out of locker room with her face contorted in intensity and irritation and looking tribal. The acne now basically visibly throbbing under the war paint. She, for a moment, looks confused at the scene. (It seems she though Neidick would win and she would rush out here and beat the shit out Neidick and restore Bayside's pride, while then also making Slater swoon for her when she asked him to the dance.) Jessie then goes after Valley's principal for apparently no reason. But as she's throwing body-shots into the Valley principal and kneeing him in the groin, the camera pans over to Belding who's looking satisfied and glum. He's also holding what is immediately recognizable as the steroids Jessie's been injecting. Belding smiles and looks over at Zack who is making-out with Kelly.

Cut to: Screech and Lisa at The Max, discussing on how to exactly approach raising the money for Jessie's bail.

The End.